What Type of Prospective Parent Are You?

By the Staff of Adoption STAR

The agency’s most important daily job is to find families for children. Even though this is often stated, it is probably the most misunderstood statement. The job of a reputable agency is not to find children for families, but families for children.

When an individual/couple registers with an agency and obtains a home study, they are paying for a service: an adoption home study. There is never a guarantee that a child will be referred to them. No one can be “hired” to “find” someone a child. That sounds scary for a number of reasons especially if you are someone who is hoping to adopt. You might not be able to imagine that the adoption process works. Will you ever adopt? Let us preface this by saying clearly, if you stick with the process, you will adopt! The hard part is that we don’t know when. But none of us would be in the adoption field if we didn’t see it work and believe that it does work. You are meant to be a parent. Perhaps your baby has not yet been born yet. Staying positive and working with your adoption agency is the key to reaching your goal of adoptive parenthood.

We thought it might be interesting to learn about the “differences” between prospective adoptive parents as no one client is the same as another. No two prospective adoptive parents are alike and our illustrations cannot include everyone, but the idea is for you to determine, “What type of prospective parent are you?”

One type of prospective adoptive parent takes our advice to heart: Adoption is a journey that requires you to participate and believe in. These clients may have already handed in their profile for expectant parents to consider even before their home study is complete! They frequently “tweak” their profile whether or not it is suggested. They are excited to hear about other options to creatively present themselves to birth mothers such as preparing a DVD which allows them to have their profile “come alive” with music, photos, video and graphics. They may post their profile online, create “baby cards” and hand them to everyone they meet telling them they are looking to adopt! They also revisit their grids frequently and challenge themselves with hard questions related to a child’s race or ethnicity, drug exposure, mental health issues within the child’s birth family, etc. They do their own homework by way of talking to other adoptive families, speaking to a pediatrician, etc. They may chat on the online group and even more importantly they join SOFIA, the adoptive family support group and meet many new friends. “They” will tell you that the wait is not easy, but taking control makes the process all the more special.

Another type of expectant adoptive parent does much of the above but also finds a hobby or projects that they can work on before they become parents. One adoptive mom found great enjoyment in knitting and during her “nesting period” created many beautiful blankets and donated them to babies being placed for adoption. Several other adoptive moms spent their “before parenthood period” volunteering to help spread the word about the agency by disseminating literature around their community to doctor’s offices, clinics, schools, etc. One couple trained for a marathon together, using the act as a metaphor for the adoption journey. Prospective moms and dads can also work together on household projects needing to get completed. “They” will tell you that throwing themselves into projects that required planning and energy during the adoption process, made them feel healthy and ready for parenthood even thought they didn’t know when it would be.

Another type of prospective adoptive parent may not have handed in their profile yet though they are home study approved or haven’t tweaked their profile if it has been suggested. They have not connected with other adoptive families or the support groups available. Sometimes they are slow to respond to agency messages and may be reluctant to process other options that might enhance their opportunities for child placement. “They” may be experiencing other issues that they have not yet shared with the agency and feel more overwhelmed about the process.

No matter the level of involvement with the agency or the process it is simply not healthy to just wait for the phone to ring (waiting for what many refer to as “the call”). Actively participating in your adoption journey is the way to go! It is not always easy, but in the long run it is worth it. We find “healthier” and “more prepared” adoptive parents when the prospective adopter takes control of their adoption path. Several articles have been written about this time in your life.

For those of you still overwhelmed by this process or the thought of it, we would recommend no longer thinking of yourself as a “waiting” parent, but rather a “prospective” parent. With this change, perhaps you can begin to view yourself as an active participant in becoming a parent. Take these examples to best understand our meaning:

If you were looking for a new job, you will need to “tweak” your resume, you will need to prepare yourself for interviews that may include research, continued education, etc. Or perhaps you want to lose weight. What do you need to do? I know we don’t really want to know what to do but the answer is we need to actively work on it. We need to be aware and educated about nutrition and calories and most importantly exercise. Weight loss won’t just happen on it’s own. We need to go out and reach that goal for ourselves. Planning to become a parent is quite similar.

It is our hope that this article will inspire you to really get involved in your adoption journey. To believe in adoption and to understand that by having a home study does not mean you will receive an immediate placement, but rather view it as your ticket to get more involved in the process. Work with us! We will give you many ideas and tasks if you are interested. Additionally, Adoption STAR has published 25 ways to handle the “wait” and hope you will take the time to review it and perhaps add to it!

We also understand that this article may frustrate you! We have no desire to upset you or discourage you in the least. However if you feel this way, please examine why you are feeling this way? Yes, you have been through a lot. You most likely have experienced several losses already. We have clients who have miscarried or have had children pass away. Perhaps you have had several “almost adoptions” but the match fell through before placement. These losses are great. These losses cannot be easily healed.

By now your life experiences have probably taught you that it is up to you to look ahead and feel excited about the adoption process. It is crucial to view the bumps in the journey as part of the learning curve and to continue to believe and participate in the process.

Adoption STAR appreciates that both the decision to adopt and the process of adoption can be difficult for many individuals and families. The adoption process is very often filled with moments of hope, as well as moments of disappointment. Applicants who view the process as discouraging or have an overall negative view of the process are more likely to feel unhappy and unsuccessful in the program. Planning for the possibility that plans will change is a key element to keeping calm and stress free while going through the adoption process. Applicants who remain optimistic and view the adoption process as a journey filled with learning experiences are more apt to feeling happy and successful in the program. Please reach out to us if you feel you need more support!

Read More on What is Happening at Adoption STAR: Our Calendar of Events for 2013

National Nurses Week 2013

Is celebrated annually from May 6, also known as National Nurses Day, through May 12, the birthday of Florence Nightingale, the founder of modern nursing.

Nurses play an essential part in many aspects of the adoption process, especially during the hospital interval. The American Nurses’ Association Code of Ethics with Interpretive Statements (2001) Provision 1 says that, “The Nurse, in all professional relationships, practices with compassion and respect for the inherent dignity, worth and uniqueness of every individual, unrestricted by considerations of social or economic status, personal attributes, or the nature of health problems” (p. 7). However, as anyone can imagine, hospital-based nurses deal with some very distinctive experiences when adoption is a part of a patient’s plan. Suzanne M. Weathers, MSN, RN, and Lead Nurse Planner at Spaulding for Children has written an interesting piece on this subject entitled “The Hospital Interval,” and in it she says, “The challenge for the nursing staff is how to provide care that meets the needs of the members of the adoption triad they have contact with during the interval.”

Having that said, Adoption STAR staff and clients alike have countless stories of compassionate, sensitive, thoughtful nurses. The interactions that nurses have with all members of the adoption triad during labor, delivery, and the postpartum interval prior to discharge from the hospital become a storied part of the adoption experience, in that they are ALWAYS remembered….by all parties involved.

Thank you, nurses! Your kind actions and excellent care mean more than you might realize to many, many adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees. Happy National Nurses Week!

Read More on What is Happening at Adoption STAR: Our Calendar of Events for 2013

Finding Families For Children, Not Children For Families

The Agency’s philosophy is to work in the best interest of children and to find forever families for children, not children for families.

It is an important distinction. The applicant(s) do not pay The Agency to find him/her/them a baby/child. The Agency’s role is to provide the support, training, advocacy and resources that lead to placement opportunities for applicants, but at no time guarantees a placement of a child.

The Agency appreciates that both the decision to adopt and the process of adoption can be difficult for many individuals and families. The adoption process is very often filled with moments of hope, as well as moments of disappointment. Applicants who view the process as discouraging or have an overall negative view of the process are more likely to feel unhappy and unsuccessful in the program. Planning for the possibility that plans will change is a key element to keeping calm and stress free while going through the adoption process. Applicants who remain optimistic and view the adoption process as a journey filled with learning experiences are more apt to feeling happy and successful in the program.

Read More on What is Happening at Adoption STAR: Our Calendar of Events for 2013

Adoption STAR Sponsors Keynote Speaker Lori Holden at the Parenthood for Me Annual Gala

Parenthood for Me provides financial and emotional assistance, along with educational tools for those starting families through adoption and medical intervention. On Saturday, March 9, 2013, they will host their Annual Gala.

Erica Walther Schlaefer and A.J. Schlaefer are adoptive parents who also went through years of infertility treatments. They paid over $20,000 for medical procedures to try and conceive a child. They were not successful. After a lot of heartache and grieving they decided that they simply wanted to be parents. They began their research regarding adoption, and then moved on to choosing an agency and applying. Their son came home in June of 2008, and they couldn’t have been happier. After going through both process’ they understand that there is an over abundance of information that can be confusing and daunting to decipher. It is difficult to know where to turn first. They had to take chances; they wished we could have had more guidance.

To offer more insight on their experience here is an excerpt from their personal blog – The Fine Print: Parenthood for Me, Inc. is a national 501 c(3) tax exempt non-profit. Having a family is fundamental to the human experience. It should not come down to the size of one’s bank account. Our goal is to provide emotional support, educational tools, and financial support to those adopting or pursuing Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) to try and conceive. We hope to ease some of the burden bestowed on people who desperately want to be parents.

In order to fulfill their mission to provide financial, emotional and educational assistance to those starting families through adoption and medical intervention, every year they offer a fundraising gala. This year that event will take place on Saturday, March 9, 2013 6:30-10:30 PM at the The Inn on Broadway in Rochester, NY. This is their biggest fundraiser of the year, and all of the net proceeds go toward funding their grants. The success of this event helps to determine the number of grants and the amount they can award to each recipient.

Every year, a Commitment to Excellence Award (CEA) is awarded to an individual who is dedicated to supporting the Adoption, Loss & Infertility community. For 2013, Parenthood for Me is awarding the CEA to Lori Holden – adoptive mother, author and educator on open adoption – and a regular contributor to the Adoption STAR blog. She will be the Keynote Speaker at the gala. Open adoption is undoubtedly one of the most misunderstood and difficult parts of adoption for the general public to understand. Her work is extremely important and highly regarded in the adoption community.

Lori writes regularly at LavenderLuz.com about parenting and living mindfully. Her book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole is available for pre-order on Amazon. She has written for Adoptive Families magazine, Parenting magazine and for BlogHer and MileHighMamas.com, a Denver Post site. On Twitter she’s @LavLuz and you can also find her on Facebook. She practices her Both/And technique with dark chocolate and red wine (though not at the same time). You are invited to the gala and to hear Lori share her extensive knowledge and experience with open adoption. Click here to read highlights of the helpful information that Lori will share in her keynote address at the gala. Lori’s trip to the annual gala is sponsored by Adoption STAR.

Help fulfill the dream of parenthood. Attend the Parenthood for Me annual gala and silent auction.

There are many ways to donate:
Gold, Silver, and Bronze sponsorships
Table sponsorship
Silent Auction items
Tickets – $100.00

For more information on Parenthood for Me and their Annual Gala and to purchase tickets email events@parenthoodforme.org

Read More about by Lori Holden and Infertility: Talking to Lori Holden on the Topic of Open Adoption, A Clear Definition of Open Adoption, isn’t it a spectrum?, When What I Knew about Adoption was Wrong, Getting Started with Your Open Adoption Arrangement, Infertility and Adoption, Pregnancy After Adoption

Beginning your Adoption Journey

Adoption STAR will be hosting an orientation session at its Buffalo office (47 Plaza Dr. Williamsville, NY, 14221) on Sunday, October 7, from 1:00 pm – 2:30 pm. This session will be a great way to have all of your adoption questions answered by our experienced staff and learn more about Adoption STAR’s domestic and international adoption programs.

Starting the adoption journey can be a nerve-wracking thought. Recently we asked our Facebook followers (many of whom have adopted through Adoption STAR) to fill in this blank: “The beginning of the adoption journey is _______”

Answers included:

Sarah G.: “Exciting and nervous”

Belinda R.: “Exciting”

Jennifer K.: “Remembering to take deep breaths and establish your priorities”

Emily K.: “A wonderful decision then lots of paperwork ”

Kelly M.: “Putting trust in your faith.”

Kara P.: “So worth it.”

Mosey M.: “A life long process. (Our son Evan is two years old and I still feel like we are just beginning.)

Maria W.: “Easier than you’d think. Once you start, you have STAR there to hold your hand throughout the journey (if, like me, you need hand-holding).”

Amanda B.: Amazing when you see how selfless birth mothers can be. I have so much respect for every birth mother who chooses LIFE for her baby.”

Susan L. “LONG.”

When you attend an Adoption STAR orientation, you get to hear from an adoptive family that has already adopted, and this family will answer many of your questions about their journey.

For more information and/or to RSVP for the orientation session on Sunday, October 7, please email the agency or call (716)639-3900.

We hope to see you there!

Adoption STAR Adoptive Family Picnic

We’re just over two weeks away from the Adoption STAR Adoptive Family Picnic (Sunday, August 5, from 1-4 pm, at Ellicott Creek Park Shelters 10 A and 10 B) and if you haven’t RSVP’d yet, you still have time; just email Joelle@adoptionstar.com or call (716)639-3900.

If you’re interested in volunteering at the picnic we’re still looking for volunteers for the barbecue grill and to help run the games for the children. If you’re interested in helping out during the picnic, you can email Joelle or contact the agency by phone.

We’re very excited to have the Nimels performing at the picnic this year. The Nimels are a local theater troupe, and they will be performing a puppet show at the picnic this year, starting at 2:30 pm. Please visit the Nimels website to watch a short video of the Nimels performing with Jim Henson’s Muppets.

The Adoptive Family Picnic is a day that Adoption STAR clients and staff members look forward to each year. It’s a great day to catch up with old friends from your home study class and meet new families who have gone through similar adoption experiences. Waiting families are also encouraged to attend the event!

We hope to see you there!

“Join” Us In 2012!

We hope that everyone enjoyed New Years weekend!

Adoption STAR has a lot of great plans for 2012 and you can find all of our scheduled classes, events and seminars by visiting the Adoption .STAR Calendar.

The Adoption STAR blog is updated Monday-Friday with adoption news, stories from adoptive parents, birth parents and adoptess, and relevant adoption information. To receive these posts in your email, please subscribe by typing your email address in the “Subscribe Now” tab in the top right corner of the page. If you would prefer to subscribe to the Adoption STAR RSS Feed you can do so by clicking here.

You can also join the adoption conversations by following Adoption STAR on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.

As always if you have any questions about the adoption process, whether you are an expecting parent or a prospective adopting parent, we are here to help. You can contact the agency 24/7 toll-free at (866)691-3300 or 1-866-691-3300 email.

Annual Appeal from Adoption STAR

This post was written by Adoption STAR CEO and Founder, Michele Fried

While checking out at a local retail store, the cashier noticed an Adoption STAR envelope with the purchaser.  She asked, “Do you work at Adoption STAR?”  To which the woman with the envelope responded, “Yes, how did you know?”  The cashier stated, “I noticed the envelope and am so excited to meet you.” The cashier began to excitedly share that she is a client with Adoption STAR and that she is a Birth Mother.  She went on even while the checkout line grew, proudly sharing that she loves Adoption STAR and that she and the adoptive family connect often via E-Mail and Skype.  She spoke about the agency staff and how important the agency still is to her today.

I was at a party just the other day and met a woman who works at a local bank and when she learned I worked at Adoption STAR she said, “There is a woman who comes into our bank and always tells me about her two children she adopted from Adoption STAR!”

And then there was the visit of a young adoptee who just about ten years ago met her adoptive parents for the first time and journeyed back to the sites and places where she first began.  She met with me in the office where her parents and I shared the story of her birth mother contacting the agency and selecting her parents,  “the call” to let them know they were selected and “placement day.”  Though these stories were ones she heard before, it began to develop a new meaning by visiting “her” adoption agency.

These three stories are not uncommon for Adoption STAR.  We are blessed every day with the ability to touch the lives of birth families, adoptive families and adoptees.  My favorite phrase is being “touched by adoption.”  And if you are, then you know how powerful and meaningful that phrase is.

In order to continue touching others ~ we ask that during this “season of giving” that you will remember Adoption STAR with a tax-deductible donation. Financial gifts like yours help support the good work Adoption STAR does.  Without your support, we would not be able to provide the services that are so needed.  You may send us a check made out to Adoption STAR or you may visit us online to make a donation

To date we have assisted in over 500 adoptions and this March we will celebrate our 12^th birthday.  These milestones are due to the commitment we have to our core values, vision and mission statement and because of the donations we receive.

Our Core Values to provide education, counseling, support, and advocacy supply the foundation on which our mission is built, they shape the way we pursue our vision, and underpin the way Adoption STAR interacts with our clients and the community.

Our Vision builds upon Adoption STAR’s strengths of offering ongoing support services to ALL birth and adoptive families. As an Agency of dedicated staff we strive to ensure that clients receive a consistent and high standard of care and service. We work to expand and advance our support programs throughout every stage of the adoption journey. In addition, the Agency advocates for equality and fair treatment for all parties involved in adoption.

Our Mission is clear: The Agency takes a strong stand on adoption education and believes no one can make a decision to adopt or place a child for adoption without fully educating themselves on adoption and its many options.  Adoption STAR is an agency committed to the best interests of children and will offer all birth families regardless of race, health, circumstances, or disability, the option of adoption for their child. Adoption STAR is an agency dedicated to maintaining connections between adoptive families and birth families and offers education and support with an adoption plan.

If you are not receiving our monthly E-Newsletter, please be sure to add your email address to the list by doing so on the home page of our website. We also hope you will continue to follow our blog.

Best wishes for a very Happy and Healthy New Year and thank you for remembering Adoption STAR.

 

Celebrating National Adoption Month

November is a time to raise and promote awareness for adoption. If you are looking for ideas to celebrate adoption during National Adoption Month, you can visit the Adoption STAR Twitter page, where we are offering a new way to celebrate adoption every day in November (no need to have a Twitter account to view all of the tweets.)

Adoption STAR will also be involved in many great events throughout the rest of National Adoption Month to help promote adoption awareness.

Some of these events include:

This Thursday, November 10, STAR will be hosting its Hair and Skin Care Workshop at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Amherst (6320 Main St. Williamsville) from 6:00 pm – 8 pm. The class is designed specifically for families who have adopted trans-racially or are considering doing so. It will be taught by hair and skin care professionals and will educate you in the special hair and skin care necessary for Black and Bi-Racial children.

To RSVP for the workshop, please email the agency or call (716)639-3900.

Monday, November 14, Adoption STAR will host an orientation session in Albany at the Colonie Community Center (1653 Central Ave. Albany) from 6 pm – 7:30 pm. The free orientation session is an opportunity for potential clients to learn more about Adoption STAR and the adoption process in general.

To RSVP for the orientation, please email the agency or call (518) 391-2515.

On Sunday, November 20, Adoption STAR CEO and Founder, Michele Fried, along with staff members Zack Fried, Shannon Whalen and Elaine Gilmartin will be present at the APC Adoption Conference in New York City. The group will be facilitating workshops and will have an Adoption STAR information table set up. The conference will be held at St. Francis College in Brooklyn, NY (180 Remsen St.) from 9 am- 5 pm.

Click here to register for the conference.

On Tuesday, November 22, Adoption STAR will be hosting a free orientation in Buffalo at the STAR offices (47, Plaza Dr. Williamsville.) This will provide potential clients an opportunity to learn more about Adoption STAR and the adoption process in general.

To RSVP for the orientation, please email the agency or call (716)639-3900.

For more information on these and other events during National Adoption Month, you can visit the Participate page on the Adoption STAR website.

 

 

 

 

Supporting Special Needs Adoption with Shining STAR

This post was written by Adoption STAR CEO and Founder Michele Fried

Having a disability should not define a person, but unfortunately for far too many children a disability means that they are defined as “hard to place” and there are still some who label these children as “un-adoptable.”

At Adoption STAR we reject the idea that any child is un-adoptable, but unfortunately we cannot get away from the term “hard to place.” In breaking down what that term means we have found that it has nothing to do with the fact that an adoptive family is hard to find. Sure other agencies have cited struggles finding homes for children with special needs however Adoption STAR has found many wonderful adoptive families for children with special needs. But the challenge is the financial reality that the agency must waive or greatly reduce placement fees in order for adoptive families to be able to afford to make a commitment to adopt a child with special needs.
Adoption STAR is committed to placing ALL children but in order to continue to do so, much needed funds are necessary to operate an annual program that allows the agency to defray the costs associated with adopting a child with special needs.

It is very expensive to run an adoption agency. As a private non-profit (501c3) agency, Adoption STAR does not receive County or State funds. The agency relies solely on adoptive parent fees for services and donations. The agency does not want to constantly ask for money or run countless fundraisers, instead it hosts only one fundraiser per year and that is the Shining STAR benefit.

Because the public is so often unaware of adoption, Shining STAR helps to draw special attention to children with special needs in need of adoption in the hope that we can unite many children with special needs with forever parents.
Each year since the agency’s inception, the Shining STAR benefit has grown. The purpose of Shining STAR is simple. To raise funds to defray the costs of placing children with special needs. What does this mean? It means that 100% of the money that is raised during the Shining Star benefit goes directly to the Shining STAR program. None of the money is used for the operation of the program, but rather as mini-grants to subsidize a family’s adoption of a child with special needs.

Our Shining STARS are children born with special needs. These are very real children who desperately need families of their own.

Please help support this worthy program and help Adoption STAR prove that there is no such thing as an un-adoptable or hard to place child.

To make a tax-deductible donation for the Shining STAR program, please make your check out to Adoption STAR with Shining STAR in the memo line. Mail to 47 Plaza Drive, Williamsville, NY 14221. Every dollar counts.

THANK YOU!

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next