My Baby, Not My Child
A photographer and University of Iowa student chronicled her journey all the way from conception through delivery in this beautiful story of an expectant mother who believes, “this is my baby, but not my child.”
Stories such as these are not only touching but so very important as it is only more recently, especially because of open adoption that birth parents feel comfortable sharing their experiences. Without their permission to share a glimpse of their journey, we would not be able to understand the best interests of children.
For more stories written by birth mothers, visit:
Dealing With An Unexpected Pregnancy ~ two stories
Saturday May 11, 2013, 12:00 pm – 2:00 pm
Getzville Fire Department, 630 Dodge Road, Getzville, NY 14068
Every year, the day before Mother’s Day is Birth Mother’s Day. It is nationally recognized but rarely will you find anyone celebrating it. This is why Adoption STAR hosts an Annual Birth Mother’s Day Celebration and Luncheon, inviting the entire community to attend this important event where we celebrate birth mother’s day with those women who made the brave decision to make an adoption plan for their child. For more information and to RSVP please email the agency at info@adoptionstar.com or call (716)639-3900.
Read More on What is Happening at Adoption STAR: Our Calendar of Events for 2013
An Unexpected Pregnancy
This blog post was written by Cynthia Christensen, who is the author of “Restorative Grief: A Guide to Healing From Adoption.” Cynthia is a birth mother advocate, special needs advocate, adoption speaker, and homeschooling mom of two boys. You can learn more about Cynthia and her ministry at her website.
I Would Never Give My Baby To Someone Else To Raise
Famous last words, eh? Never in and of itself is a word that should be avoided like the plague! I remember sitting in a crisis pregnancy center speaking those words to the counselor that was trying to introduce the idea of adoption to my 20 year old self. My first pregnancy ever, and I remember the words slipping out of my mouth with ease and confidence as if I just said them yesterday…”I would never give my baby to someone else to raise.”
I was not planning my pregnancy and in all senses of the word, it was a crisis, but I was going to raise my baby and be the best mom ever. Period.
Little did I know at the time, those words would be forever etched into my mind and I would recall them often. It would have shocked my 20 year old self to the core if I could have seen into a future where the only option I would consider would be adoption. But that would be just how life would turn out for me. 7 years after I sat in that crisis pregnancy center for the first time, I would sit there again for the last time. Another positive test, another bad relationship, and a woman so completely at the end of her rope the only thing on her mind is adoption. Nothing like the 20 year old who had life by the tail; the woman who was going to be the best mother ever. Nope; now all I saw was a completely worn-down, exhausted, broken woman. I needed change and I needed it yesterday.
Enter the type of resolve that can only come from God. I knew what God wanted me to do this time. He was asking me to put all selfish desires aside, to step out of myself, and choose life in a whole new way…by embracing open adoption. 7 years prior I wouldn’t give it a second thought. On that day however, I couldn’t stop giving it thought. I felt it to the core of my being. It was right. I am hearing Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” in my head right now, and truly, nothing else did matter — just what was best for the two little boys I already had at home and what was best for the little one growing inside of me.
Open adoption has been such a blessing for my family and when I see the connection that made two families become one, I can’t imagine it any other way. Do I worry about the details sometimes? The questions that can and do come my way at the most unexpected times? Sure. Just as believing in God is a leap of faith because there are so many unknowns that have yet to fall into place, adoption also is a huge leap of faith. It is carefully, methodically, and lovingly placing the one card in your deck that you can control face up on the table and saying you trust that every single one of the other cards will fall where they may on purpose.
That is tough to swallow. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be will be. Placing that one, hand-selected card in the best position possible, crossing fingers, and praying for the best. That is faith at work. Faith that…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6). Faith that He who began a good work in your child will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Believing in God to work in your child’s life and never let your dear baby out of His grip.
I have learned (mostly) the lesson of never saying never. Always consider your nevers, because that scenario may come…and it may not be so far-fetched and scary as you think. It could end up adding to your life instead of subtracting from it.
Making An Adoption Plan For Your Baby
Choosing to place a baby for adoption is a very difficult decision, and there are generally a number of factors that contribute to such an important and loving decision. It’s important to remember that you are not alone and that your reasoning to decide to either parent or place your child is distinctly your own.
Factors that may contribute to making a decision about an adoption plan include, but are not limited to:
- Parenting one or more child already
- Not emotionally prepared to parent
- Pregnancy was unexpected
- Unstable family situation
- Financial concerns
- Currently homeless or living in a shelter
- Lack of support from friends/family
- Age – Feel too young or too old to parent
- Not ready for another child
- Lifestyle is not appropriate for a child
- Physically unable to care for a child
- Want to make someone a parent by allowing them to adopt a baby
- Have a negative relationship with the birth father
- Circumstances surrounding the conception
- No support from the birth father
- Marital problems
- Unknown birth father
- Want my child to have two parents
- Continuing educational plans
- Professional goals
- Don’t want parents/family to know about the pregnancy/baby
- Baby is expected to be born with special needs.
There are obviously many more reasons that birth parents have for making such a difficult decision, and if you would like to speak with an adoption counselor about your specific situation contact Adoption STAR by phone toll-free at 1-866-691-3300 or email us at info@adoptionstar.com.
No one has the right to judge you, make you feel small or try to convince you one way or another. You have the right to be respected and provided with confidentiality and support.
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Communication Between Client and Agency
Social work is fundamentally dependent on communication, and it is out of necessity, at least a two-way process. Social workers need to support people and to ensure that their behavior, words and tone remain supportive while clients, in order to
