Advice for Birth Grandparents

A letter and series of comments from “Dear Abby” readers sheds light on kinship adoption, open adoption and issues for birth grandparents to consider.

Here is a “Dear Abby” letter published back on August 25, 2014: “Baby’s Adoption Will Leave Hole in Grandmother’s Heart”
Adoption STAR recognizes the importance of extended family members in adoption. Birth grandparents, specifically, can experience a wide range of emotions when their birth grandchild is placed for adoption. Many times birth grandparents are facing the placement of their first grandchild. Birth grandparents need to manage their own feelings in a healthy way in order to be supportive of their children through the process and in the ensuing years. Many of our birth grandparents experience a high degree of loss and grief, as well as feelings around what their expectations/hopes for their own children were. For many – it’s the “how could my child be in this situation” that shakes their own sense of parenting. This brings up anger, sadness, guilt and all of these issues need to be talked about so that they can get to a place where they can manage their own feelings and support their children in a healthy manner.

Adoption STAR is proud to offer a support group specifically for birth grandparents. This group is appropriate for anyone whose daughter or son has placed their infant for adoption. For more information on this support group or to become a member, please email

Interestingly enough, “Dear Abby” recently published some comments they had received from readers of the aforementioned letter. You can find the comments, published on 12/16/14, by clicking on this link: “Dear Abby: Open adoption could help grandmother stay in touch”