How One Birth Mother Copes with the Holidays – Brandy’s Story

Often, birth parents struggle with difficult and challenging feelings during the holiday season. Brandy, a birth mother, shares some coping strategies she has used that have helped.

As a birthmother, I have found myself dealing with a lot of different emotions, especially around the holiday season. At times it becomes difficult to deal with and sort through all of the different emotions that I find myself face to face with. Over the years, I have found different things that have helped me cope with hard times.

Every Christmas Eve, I write my son a letter, put it in an envelope and put it into a box. One day, I hope to give them all to him. I never hold anything in. I have found that in only makes it harder to cope.

If I feel I need to cry, I cry, or scream or talk to someone I know I can trust. There are a lot of ways to cope. You can write letters or even make a video.

Some people ask me about gift giving and if it makes things harder and I usually try to make something. I am not one to step on toes, so I keep them, with the plan of one day giving them to him.

The one thing I know for sure is that holding back those feelings is worse than letting them out. They are your feelings and you have the right to them. You should never force yourself to try to feel otherwise. And no matter how rough the road is, it will eventually smooth out. The pain never completely goes away, but things do get easier.

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