Five years ago “C” was a junior in college and in a steady relationship with her boyfriend. However when she became pregnant, “C” began looking into all of her options, and eventually contacted Adoption STAR.
“I knew my boyfriend wasn’t going to be around at all, and I wasn’t emotionally ready and physically ready (to be a mother),” “C” said. “I knew I wasn’t in the right place for it, and I wanted (my child) to have every opportunity.”
Despite feeling a range of emotions about her pregnancy and adoption plan, “C” continued to go to school throughout her pregnancy. She was taking her finals while nine months pregnant. She said that one thing that kept her going was Adoption STAR’s Birth Parent Specialist, Sue Shaw.
“I met Sue, and she made me feel so comfortable because I was really scared, freaked out and embarrassed. I just talked to her and went over the process.”
When it came to choosing an adoptive family, “C” said she started off very picky, and had a two-page list of everything she wanted in a family for her child. However when it came to actually selecting the adoptive family, it was because she followed her heart.
“It was supposed to be just a meet-and-greet to talk to them and see how they felt about the process, and I just fell in love with them,” “C” said.
She said that the conversation they had was one of the most natural she’s ever had, which allowed her to “follow her heart” while making the decision.
Before choosing a family, “C”, who is African American, also spoke with a Caucasian couple that had already adopted transracially.
“I met them and they were so happy. I asked them how society was treating them, and they said, ‘we don’t even care about (race), because she’s just our daughter, and that’s all that matters to us.’ That made me feel so good,” “C” said.
“C” and her child’s adoptive parents have a beautiful open relationship, and both families have been to each other’s homes on several occasions. “C” is Facebook friends with her child’s adoptive parents, but said that decision may not be right in every situation.
“I just felt like we were at that point in our relationship where we could be open and honest; I’ve been to their house, they’ve been to my house, it’s pretty much just anything goes,” “C” said about their relationship.
While she is very open with her child’s adoptive family, “C” said she is very selective with who she shares her adoption story with. She said a lot of her hesitation is because making an adoption plan is not common among African Americans.
“In the black community, adoption is really frowned upon,” “C” said. “I’m probably one of the first people in my entire family that’s ever done it…It was something that I knew needed to do, so I just did it.”
Though “C” was confident in her to decision to make an adoption plan, and with the family she chose, she said that the day after giving birth, everything finally sank in. She said that it was a lonely feeling not having her child after carrying him for nine months. One thing that has eased her pain is having an open adoption, which has allowed her to remain in her son’s life.
“It definitely helps that I get to see (my child) and get to talk to him and know how he’s doing,” “C” said. “Mostly I think about how well he is doing and how happy he is. That’s what I wanted, I’m getting exactly what I wanted.”
“C” is now in law school and will be assisting with the facilitation of the Blue Rose program at Adoption STAR, which is Adoption STAR’s birth parent support group. The Blue Rose meetings and events will allow birth parents to meet with other people who have gone through similar experiences and learn from each other.
“I’m hoping to have a monthly get together where I and other birth mothers can just talk about all of our issues,” “C” said. “It’s not something you can just talk about with anyone, it has to be somebody who has gone through the process and knows exactly what you’re feeling.”
Thank you “C” for sharing your story!