Adoption STAR Founder/CEO Michele Fried shares excerpts from a revealing adoption-themed article she authored years ago.
Ten years ago I wrote an article for the Adoption STAR Newsletter, then a hard-copy document that was mailed out entitled, Eighteen Years Later: An Adoption Story. It was a two-part article. Today looking back at it, I can’t believe ten years have past. The story began with our oldest going off to college, causing me to reminisce about the journey I took before becoming his mother. Though the real story is 28 years old, it is timeless so I thought I would share excerpts of part one with you – it featured pieces of my journal entries throughout 1987 from our home study to the night before we met our son.
May 27, 1987
With the end of May here – June will be arriving with new happenings: school will be ending; hopefully I will have a new summer job; our home study should be beginning. Chuck and I are just finishing our autobiographies for the social worker from the agency….. I’m a little apprehensive about the home study. I’ve been reading about in the books I have bought about adoption and in the books I have taken out of the library. One book stated that you should not appear to be too perfect or too much in shambles. That you should appear “normal.” Then it added: “Whatever normal means.” How true!!!
August 24, 1987
On Friday, August 21, I received a phone call from a woman at an adoption agency informing me that there is a baby to be born in 4 to 6 weeks – Would we like to consider adopting this baby? “Yes, yes, yes!” I said.
Today we received the preliminary application, soon we will be receiving the large application packet – we will send them all of our paperwork such as the home study, etc. And then… we will wait and pray.
October 25, 1987
On September 22, I received a phone call telling us that the birth parents of the baby we were promised decided not to place the baby for adoption. Of course I was devastated. I mourned the loss of this baby — even though I never set eyes on him or her. For one month’s time I though about and often dreamed about this baby – and so, I hurt.
It was a process of hurt, of tears, frustration and struggling. Struggling not to go under – not to drown. I swam to shore, in a way, when I began once again, at the “drawing board” …
… Possibly another agency out-of-state may work with us. Finally there is an agency in our own state that will be working for us also.
Basically, at this time, there isn’t much else I can do except to wait. That is the hardest task.
October 31, 1987
The adoption is up and down – and so am I. Sometimes things seem so promising and other times we are left hanging without any hope.
I do not have patience, not for this anyway…
I learned something about myself a few days ago. We were given an opportunity to begin arrangements to adopt a baby to be born in February 1988. However, I turned the baby down. It was very difficult to do, nevertheless, I did it without Chuck’s or anyone else’s advice… I had really bad vibes about this adoption – so I followed this feeling… Now I know that as long as I follow my heart, I’ll be doing the right thing.
November 10, 1987
Thinking and keeping at it creates everything.
When you come to the end of your rope tie a knot in it and hang on!
I didn’t write the two quotes above, but they are my sentiments exactly. Sometimes it really feels as if I’m at the end of my rope. I do know though that “keeping at it” will pay off. At times it seems as if nothing is going to work out.
November 16, 1987
We should pick up our baby tomorrow morning…Please G-d.
Part Two of Reminiscing will be featured tomorrow.