Why I’m Making an Adoption Plan: A Letter From an Expecting Mother

This letter was written by Liz, an expecting mother. Liz shared this letter with prospective adoptive families that she has met and has graciously allowed us to share this letter with everyone else.

I want you to let him be who he wants to be, like what he likes (pink, babies, football, etc.) love who he loves (regardless of gender, race, etc.) encourage him to pursue his interests whether they fit yours or not, let him openly express his emotions (don’t tell him big boys don’t cry, only babies cry) let him know it’s OK to feel however you feel but teach him there are acceptable ways of showing your feelings and non acceptable ways (physical, verbal abuse towards others and other things.)

Teach him that EVERYONE on the face of this earth is equal, that what they look like, talk like, things they like to do, who they love does not matter….everyone is God’s creation and we are all beautiful in our own way.

I want him to know, believe in, and trust God…I don’t care if he goes to church but I want God to be a part of his life.

I want you to be aware and really know how I feel about adoption and my baby.

I am giving you and trusting you with a piece of me, my heart and my soul. He will forever be my baby, as well as yours. I love him more than life itself and would do anything in the world for him and his future, which is why I have decided that this is the best for him. I trust you to love him, take care of him, hold him, kiss him, play with him, and teach him everything he needs to know to be the best possible person he can be. I want you to NEVER let him feel or think that he was unwanted or unloved by me (I will also do the same). I want him to be free to love who he loves (no matter who that is) and to enjoy the things that make him happy (whether it’s the color pink or blue, playing football or dance). I want you to kiss every booboo, chase away every monster, tell him he is the most amazing little boy in the whole world, pick him up and brush him off when life knocks him down, openly and honestly talk to him about everything (age appropriately). I want you to listen to your heart and not other people when it comes to the tough decisions that you will have to make for him. I want school to be a priority and a love for him. I want you to read to him every night and greet him every morning with nothing but smiles and kisses. I want him to hear “I love you” every day and feel your hugs and kisses against his body always. I want you to put his life and needs before your own. I want you to be firm and consistent with your rules and consequences. I want you to take tons of pictures of him, put his creations on your fridge and in frames on your walls, and take him on family trips/outings/vacations to enjoy the many things life has to offer. I want him to know my sons as his brothers. I want him to know my family and have a relationship with them too. I want you to be OK with mistakes you make with him, learn from them, and never beat yourself up about them.

Right now he is a part of me like my heart, liver kidney and all my other body parts. That will never change no matter how old he is or who his parents are. I created him, I grew him, I feel him move within me. He is a part of me and I love him so much. At the beginning of my pregnancy they told me it was an ectopic pregnancy because they couldn’t see him in my uterus and wanted to abort him. I fought against the doctors, nurses, and friends and family who were all telling me to let the doctors end the pregnancy for the sake of my own life that was in jeopardy if it was ectopic. I fought for him and I won. They eventually found him. His biological father wanted me to get an abortion more than anything and I refused and because of that I lost him as a support with my pregnancy and in my life. I feel that my decision to give him to you to take care of is another way I am saving him. I can’t give him the future he deserves. If all it took to raise a child was love I could do it without any problems, but it takes so much more to not only raise a child but to give that child a decent future. I don’t want him to just grow up, I want him to have opportunities, I want him to be able to play sports, go to camps, go on vacations, and get a tutor if needed. I don’t want him in daycare all day long every day, never seeing his parent because I am working 3 jobs just to be able to make ends meet. I want him to have two parents who are able to spend time with him, who aren’t working 80 hours a week, who are college educated and have careers. I want the best for him and that is why I have chosen adoption.