Adoptees, Birth Parents, and Coping Mechanisms

Adoption Blogger/Speaker/Educator Angela Tucker has written an interesting post that’s valuable reading for all members of the adoption triad.

cropped-621a1908-1A potential advantage to openness in adoption for adoptees is an ability to ask their birth parent(s) direct questions about the decision to place. We can’t imagine it’s a particularly easy topic for an adoptee to broach with his/her birth parent(s), but at the same time we can imagine how incredibly empowering it must be for an adolescent or young adult adoptee to be able to have such a frank conversation with a biological parent (or parents) about adoption planning and placement. No doubt many adoptees with closed adoptions find themselves actively seeking out their birth parent(s) in an effort to get answers to many of these types of questions – including things like, “Why did you place me for adoption?” or “Didn’t you want me?”

Angela Tucker, an Adoption STAR favorite, has written a blog post about this very topic. It’s dated July 24th, 2015 and it’s entitled, SOMETIMES SAYING “MY BIRTHMOM DIDN’T WANT ME” IS AN ADOPTEE’S COPING MECHANISM. In it Angela shares some of her personal stories and experiences, as well as a link to an extensive piece written by Todd VanDerWerff. Here’s a link to the blog post itself: “SOMETIMES SAYING “MY BIRTHMOM DIDN’T WANT ME” IS AN ADOPTEE’S COPING MECHANISM”

Disclaimer – If you read Angela Tucker’s blog post and click through to the piece by VanDerWerff, be aware that his piece contains strong language that might be offensive to some readers.

Lastly, here’s a thought-provoking quote from Todd VanDerWerff:

“When you’re adopted, at some level, your story is defined by a person who did not want you. Not wanting you may have been defined by wanting the best for you – in fact, most of the time it is.”