National Infertility Week: One Family’s Struggle With Infertility

As we mentioned on the Facebook page a few days ago, this week is National Infertility week. The following is the story of Jennifer, an adoptive mom who went through infertility with her husband Antoine before considering adoption as an option. At Adoption STAR we say that adoption can cure childlessness but not infertility.

Jennifer always had one goal in life, to become a mother. She said that even as a child, when someone would ask what she wanted to be when she was older she would say she wanted to be a mother.

Jennifer and Antoine have been together since they were 19, and Jennifer said she had always had painful menstrual cycles and continually asked her doctor if this was normal. Eventually her doctor sent Jennifer to an OB/GYN who explained all of the infertility statistics, and ran a series of tests on the couple.

All test results came back normal. Jennifer and Antoine worked with this doctor for more than a year-and-a-half before finally deciding there may seriously be something wrong.

“I said to the doctors, that you’re telling us there is no problem, but we’re still not pregnant; there still has to be something going on,” Jennifer said. “Through all of this I would always have terrible menstrual cramps.
As a woman you know you’re body better. I would urge any woman that you “know” your body better than any doctor.”

Jennifer said that at a certain point she began the process of at least thinking about adoption. She said she looked at foster-care websites and would think about cousins who had been adopted. However she still wasn’t ready to give up on becoming pregnant.

“I went and pressured my doctor for a laparoscopy, (and the results came back that I had) stage 4 endometriosis, which is the worst you could have.”

Two years earlier Jennifer had her first dye test, which tests the openness of the fallopian tubes. The results came back healthy. However, after receiving the results of the laparoscopy, Jennifer had a second dye test which showed her left side was completely closed up, but there was a 75 percent chance of openness in her right fallopian tube.

The doctor administered to Jennifer a six-month treatment to shrink her endometrial scar tissues, and also told Jennifer and Antoine about a grant that would severely reduce the price of invitro pregnancy. While they were excited about the grant, the doctor warned Jennifer and Antoine that they would only have one shot at the invitro process. Unfortunately this process did not result in a pregnancy either.

“I would never do it again,” Jennifer said. “I can say it now, hindsight is 20-20 and I have my daughter now, so I can say it…. I went through a lot of tears and prayed to God; ‘why are you doing this to me? Why do you want me being a mother, and not letting it happen to me? Why don’t you take this want from me?’”

Eventually Antoine, who is a technician for a cable company, met a family through his work that had adopted a child through a private placement. In December 2009 Jennifer and Antoine started their adoption journey, and by March 2010 had adopted their daughter Noelani.

“Noelani was born in January, nine months after our invitro treatment, so it feels like our daughter was born especially for us,” Jennifer said.

Jennifer said all of the waiting and heartache was worth it to bring Noelani home. If she had to do it over again, she would look to adoption first instead of invitro or other treatment. However, she believes that her struggles, pains and questions of her faith were all necessary in her journey because her daughter was a result of these steps. Today Jennifer, Antoine and 16-month-old Noelani, which means a beautiful gift from heaven, live happily together as a family.

If you are currently struggling through infertility, and are interested in the adoption process, the Adoption STAR website provides a great starting-point to your journey.