“No One Is Going To Pick Me”

lisa geiger
by Lisa Geiger

Finally your home study is complete and you have your first “profiling opportunity!” The excitement turns to disappointment as you realize that it wasn’t you that was selected by the expectant parent but instead another family was chosen to be this baby’s adoptive family. Your family advocate explains that the expectant parent made a “connection” to another family and you wonder, “Why wasn’t a connection made with me?” After several failed attempts you may start to doubt if anyone will ever select you as an adoptive parent. One thing experience has taught me is that you just never know what is going to bring people together.

1. No two adoption plans are ever the same. Each party has an idea of what their adoption will look like. The prospective adoptive family has a set of criteria they are open to and the expectant family has their own set of criteria they use to pick and choose.

2. An adoptive family’s criteria may include race, risk factors and level of post adoption contact.

3. An expectant parent may be looking for similarities. Religion, traditions, personality, extended family, education, and etc.

Another thing to keep in mind is that there may be certain things about a prospective adoptive family that could be “deal breakers” for one expectant parent but those same things will not matter to a different expectant parent.