Remembering Birth Mothers

Adoption STAR Birth Parent Department Supervisor Sue Shaw offers up some suggestions on how adoptive families can both remember and honor Birth Mothers this weekend.
Each year as Birth Mother’s Day approaches, I find myself answering lots of questions from adoptive parents regarding whey they can do for their child’s Birth Mother in honor of Birth Mother’s Day. My usual suggestions are surprisingly simple – a card and a small gift. The small gift could be a framed picture of the child or even a piece of art work that the child made for his/her Birth Mother. Over the years, I’ve had many Birth Mothers tell me how special these little gifts are and how touched they are to be remembered on Birth Mother’s Day. Some women who have placed a child for adoption find Mother’s Day weekend to be an especially emotional one. Kind words in a card, a thoughtful gift, or similar small gestures can go a long way towards helping a Birth Mother cope with a multitude of emotions and “get through” any difficulties she may be feeling.

Adoptive families and birth families with open adoptions can arrange for an open adoption meeting during the weekend. Attending our agency’s Birth Mother’s Day celebration is a great idea for an open adoption visit, too – it’s a special day and the acknowledgment we give Birth Mothers at the celebration is well deserved. However, even adoptive families without open adoptions should still consider attending the celebration, as doing so is a great way to remember and honor your child’s Birth Mother. Other suggestions include talking about the Birth Mother and sharing the information you do have about her, as well as reminding your child that they were loved very much by their Birth Mother. You could even have your child write a letter to their Birth Mother or make a piece of art and keep it in a special keepsake box.