The Memory She Needed

A birth grandmother who was present for the birth and placement of her birth grandchild shares her experiences and observations.

1A birth grandmother by the name of Mary wrote a powerful piece called “The Memory She Needed.” It’s included as a part of a book entitled Swings Hanging from Every Tree: Daily Inspirations for Foster and Adoptive Parents.

“I watched as she wrapped her beautiful, two-day-old baby in the quilt we had made for him while she was pregnant. We had spent every moment we could with the baby – holding, rocking, singing, talking, filling him with our love. She wrote in her diary, we took picture after picture and tried to soak up every possible memory. For a couple of days we ignored the outside world, let go of all surrounding circumstances and were the mother and grandmother of a precious baby boy. But, now it was time to face reality.

We drove directly to the lawyer’s office, where the adoptive parents were anxiously waiting. Although she felt confident she had made the best possible choice, doubts flooded over her. Would they unconditionally love and protect him? Would they fill his life with the goodness, kindness, and happiness he deserved?

Overwhelmed with what was happening, tears began streaming down her face. She carefully placed her new baby into his adoptive mother’s arms. It was done, she had to leave before she broke down completely or grabbed her baby and ran. She looked up to see her tears reflected in the adoptive mother’s eyes and on her face. She watched as the adoptive mother immediately turned, gave the baby to her husband, then turned back to embrace her. She felt the obvious love and concern in that hug, saw eyes filled with deep gratitude and quiet joy, heard words of reassurance that they would always love and protect him, and she knew she had the answers she needed, the memory she need to take with her.”

Adoption STAR is proud to offer a support group specifically for birth grandparents. This group is appropriate for anyone whose daughter or son has placed their infant for adoption. For more information on this support group or to become a member, please email