Whose Story Is It?

A recent article in the New York Times offers up one adoptive parent’s perspective on choosing to share (or not share) her child’s “adoption story.”

adopt-talk-motherlode-tmagArticleAuthor and adoptive mother Sarah Netter wrote a thoughtful piece for Motherlode, a New York Times blog devoted to parenting, children and family. Dated October 18th, 2015, the piece is entitled “My Son’s Adoption Is Not My Story to Tell.” Adoption STAR’s Adoption Social Worker Mary-Jean Gianquinto is the staff member who first brought this article to our attention, and we thank her for it!

What to discuss or not discuss in relation to an adopted child’s “story” is common dialogue here at the agency, even among Adoption STAR staff that are adoptive parents themselves! While there’s no “one size fits all” answer to this question (which is no surprise, given the unique nature of each individual adoption), there does seem to be a consensus that in general, there are pieces of a child’s adoption story that might make sense to share (or not share) – but it’s completely contingent on the situation…not to mention the nature of the information itself. Also, there may be some elements of a child’s adoption story that are so personal or so sensitive that ultimately it should be left up to the adoptee (not the adoptive parents) to determine what’s comfortable for disclosing versus keeping private.

Here is a link to Netter’s article: My Son’s Adoption Is Not My Story to Tell