Single Mom – WHAT?!

Amy Armstrong

Adoptive Parent and regular guest blogger Amy Armstrong shares how she came to the decision to be a single mom.

Once I began telling people in my life that I was going to become a Mom through adoption, I routinely got asked various forms of the following question: “Why are you choosing to adopt as a single person?” The answer has always been quite simple – I want to be a Mom: nothing more, nothing less. I don’t feel I am “saving” a child and I don’t have a medical reason for not being able to conceive a child. In fact, a few years ago, I came to the conclusion that I could handle living the rest of my life without being married, but without being a Mom? NO WAY. So, after being a mother-like figure to many, many, many kids throughout my teaching career, an aunt to my nieces and nephews, and a pseudo aunt to many, I decided that it was time for me to become a Mom. I made this decision after frequent prayers and talks with the Big Man Upstairs.

There were several signs in my life that showed me this was the right decision. If I look back, my decision to adopt began as far back as when I was in high school. I remember thinking and discussing with my friends that I wanted to adopt later in life. About 10 years back, I remember a friend of mine (who happens to be a social worker) telling me about this great agency that was looking for volunteers. That agency was Adoption STAR. My church decided to develop a foster/adopt program. One of the church services was about adoption, and I came into contact with MANY people touched by adoption as a result. Lastly, every time I met up with a friend and her sister, both of which were adopted and had adopted, I would bombard them with questions. So, even though my decision to some seemed quick and easy, my decision to adopt really was the culmination of a lifetime of thoughts, feelings and prayers. I believe situations like this were a sign that God wanted me to go this route. I knew this was the right decision for me.

I had my fears – financial, support, time, and sleep – which are essentially the same fears than a couple looking to adopt would have. It takes a village to raise a child regardless of your circumstance; not because you are single or coupled. Above all else, my biggest fear/question was this: “Who will choose a single mom to raise their child?” It was a question I asked over and over again of the staff at Adoption STAR and of myself. In the end, I just decided to trust that the right birth family will make that decision.

I had conversations with my family and friends prior to sending in my application. I asked questions such as:

  • Do you support me?
  • Will you be willing to baby-sit so I can get my hair done/grocery shop/etc.…?
  • Could you love an adopted child as much as you love your biological (grandchild, niece, nephew)?

The good news is that I was overwhelmed by the same response over and over again – “YES.” Everyone around me shared my fears and probably worried even more than I did about possible adoption catastrophes. I didn’t worry about such things. I knew I could do this on my own. I often thought of all the single moms and dads out there that had the reality of single parenthood thrust on to them as a result of a poor relationship, military service, death, etc. I, on the other hand, had time to plan for single parenthood, as it was going to be my reality right from the beginning. I believe in the cliché “what will be, will be.” I knew that because this was the right decision for me, all would fall into place.

From the moment I met Simon’s Birthmother, I knew it was meant to be. As soon as I met Simon just minutes after his birth, I knew he was meant to be mine. He fits in so well with my family and my lifestyle. I can’t picture him with any other family. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank both God and Simon’s Birthmother for the wonderful gift of motherhood.




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